She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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