Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
