I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
