Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
