i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
