If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
