I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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