physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
