sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Someone came in the potted fern
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
