it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize