I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
