Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
