Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
