Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
