Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
