I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We just shotgunned beers for America
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
