Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize