Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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