You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
