remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
