I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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