I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
