the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
