only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
