hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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