Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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