just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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