What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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