just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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