i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
