I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
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I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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