Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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