im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
