Swine flu. Run for my life!
your room smells of hookers.
And success
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
