I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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