so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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