god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
