Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
COCAINE IS GR8
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
