That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
