I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
birth control should be required to get into college
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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