I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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