My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
