you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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