This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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