i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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