Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
