she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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