we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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