I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i used baking grease as lip gloss
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
