My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize