hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the condom got lost in my hair
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
