What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
