By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
pop tarts are not kleenex
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
