No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
