he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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