I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
