Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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