Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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