I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
