Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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