i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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