; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If that was your dad, he is hot
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize