I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
