i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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