Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
