I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
