wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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