I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
