I looked at my own cervix.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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