i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
