You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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