The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
