Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Randomize
