as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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