Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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