Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
