I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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